Funny Christmas Candles - I Like Them Real Thick And Sprucy
Funny Christmas Candles - I Like Them Real Thick And Sprucy
79 in stock
It is a joke about trees. It is definitely a joke about trees. "I Like Them Real Thick And Sprucy" is for the friend who cannot hear a sentence about tree shopping without making that face across the lot.
Hand poured with 60+ hours of Balsam + Cedar. A tree-trimming party, a December exchange, an adults-only secret santa: this is the one.
Why You'll Love It
- "I Like Them Real Thick And Sprucy" — a punchline that survives being read to a room
- Signature White jar — a white-printed label on reusable glass
- Balsam + Cedar — Fraser fir, balsam and cedar, entirely on theme
- Natural soy wax — plant-based, a clean burn with no petroleum wax
- Phthalate free and non-toxic — vegan, cruelty free and non-GMO
- A 13.5 oz jar with 60+ hours, lasting longer than the tree will
- Hand poured in small batches in Minnetonka, Minnesota — made in the USA
Perfect Gift For
A tree-trimming party, an adults-only exchange, secret santa, a hostess with a sense of humour, someone who has everything, and the friend who ruins every tree lot.
Product Details
- Material: Natural Soy Wax, Essential and Premium Fragrance Oils, Cotton Wick, Reusable Jar
- Size: 13.5 oz Jar | 3.5 x 3.5 x 4" 60+ Hours
- Attributes: Phthalate Free, Non-Toxic, Cruelty Free, Vegan, Non-GMO
- Origin: Hand Poured in Minnetonka, MN, Made in USA
- Care: Trim the wick to 1/4" before each burn
- Item: SW-1991-15
Scent
15. Balsam + Cedar - Fraser Fir, Balsam & Cedar
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What is the funniest candle to bring to an adults-only gift exchange?
A: A double entendre beats an inside joke at any exchange, because the whole room gets it at the same moment. This one hides behind an entirely legitimate tree opinion.
Q: How do I gift a double entendre without embarrassing anyone?
A: A line that also works literally gives everyone an exit, which is why tree jokes travel further than blunt ones. Anyone who wants to read it innocently can.
Q: What do you get someone who thinks they are impossible to shock?
A: Someone who claims nothing shocks them is best given something they will have to explain to a parent. The explaining is the gift.
Q: Does a pine scent work outside of December?
A: Fir and cedar reads as woodland rather than festive, so it carries happily through January and February. Plenty of people burn it year round.
Q: What should I bring to a tree-trimming party?
A: Bring the host something that matches the evening rather than another ornament for a full tree. A fir-scented candle fits the room and the occasion exactly.
Q: Is it safe to burn a candle near garland or greenery?
A: Keep a lit candle a safe distance from garland, dried greenery and anything paper, and never leave it unattended. A clear, stable surface is the right home for it.
Shipping & Returns
Shipping & Returns
Shipping Policy
- Shipping Time: Standard shipping takes 5-7 business days. Expedited options are available at checkout.
- Shipping Areas: We ship to all contiguous U.S. states. No shipping to Alaska, Hawaii, or international addresses.
- Tracking: A confirmation email with a tracking number is sent once your order is shipped.
Returns Policy
- Return Window: Returns are accepted within 30 days of delivery.
- Return Process: Contact us with your order number and reason for return. We will provide return authorization and instructions.
- Refunds: Once we receive and inspect the returned item, a refund will be issued to your original payment method within 7-10 business days. Shipping fees are non-refundable.
For questions or concerns, contact customer service at contact us.
